Down In The Dumps

Sunday, sometimes doesn't look good for me. This Sunday, is a day I spend all day long stuck in bed. And the worst part, there's always you there, next to me. Talking everything to cheer me up. With the fucking red pillow. And sometimes you're standing near the door, and doing your silly bellydance. Then you come out just to take a glass of water or smoke.

Oh shit!

I only imagined all deeds you did.

Am I lunatic?

Balcony

There's a place we spent nights.

Where we talked everything.

Talked about kiddos we would have in future.

A house we would build.

A journey that we've started.

Hearts that we called home.

Places we planned to visit.

Manchester, we dreamed all the time.

That is our balcony, where I sit right now.

I miss us, sitting here until sunrise.

The Day After Fourth Day

Hey dear,

Thank you for remember yesterday was our fourth day. Thank you that you were there. Thank you for talking to me. It means a lot. Sorry that I didn't reply the last post, but here I will write to you, to reply and tell you everything.

I was crying. When you liked my post, when you sent me back a capture, when you wrote a long story, when we talked each other. I imagined we talk face to face. I imagined you were in front of me. I imagined we talk while I'm sniffing your hair. I can't believe that we're just be separated for about 2 weeks. But I feel longer than that.

I'm crying, now. While I write this first post on July. I'm tottally broken, miserable, almost give up to face the reality, and through this shit life. I lost you physically, and it hurts me, you feel me, don't you?

But, I've promised you, I should live better. I should be happy, I should show the world how worth I am to living on earth. So I tried, yes I try, and for sure I will try.

Oh love, I miss you, like crazy.

It's harder than LDR. It's harder than anything. I'm afraid, I'm afraid you will forget me, you will leave me behind. And you will no longer waiting for us anymore. Can we just back to in time, when we met first time, at college? When everything started from just friend, when we were young and hadn't a hardest story like ours.

I lost my hope. I'm a dead man walking. I live just live. I eat just eat. I sleep just sleep. I cry too much. Even I was in crowded, in office, and blablabla. I'm weak. I'm a loser. I'm pathetic.

Why God put us on this part? Why? Why He let we're falling in love till our heart almost blow up? Why? Why He gave us a grand love, an incredible journey, and an irreplaceable history? Why? I still ask Him, everytime. I'm digging my heart and brain and ask my self, why? Do I regret? No. I never regret to love you this much. I've never been loved as hard as we do.

My dear Anakin, would you tell me better story next time? Would you promise me, to keep our book has space? It will be written till we old and die, with everything we through, see, hear and feel.

Love,

Your the one and only Padmé.

Goodbye, June!

June 2014, the worst month. June made everything rude. June forced me to let you go. And June is over today. I just checked my blog, and realized that I wrote so much post on this month. In my mood or not, I still wrote. I wrote anything. It’s the way I talk to you. It’s the way you know me without any contact. But, I don’t know you, where you are, what you do, how your activities are. You didn’t talk. You only posted about two or three songs, a movie, photos, checked in some meeting points, replaced your avatar, tweeted some, liked and commented photos and no more. I lost you, even I feel you here, even I’m not really sure. Call me crazy or something, but here I am, that’s what I did to know you’re there, you’re living well.

What has June done to me? Destroyed me. Hit me. Almost killed me. June robbed my life. I almost died, did you know that? But, today is the last day on June. I will face new month, July. What I expect from July? Nothing. I expect my own healing. I deserve to be cheerful again. I deserve to be happy. I should be. So please, you there, say something whenever you want. I miss you, but I don’t expect you appear on July. Just do whenever you want. You know, I’m waiting. You gonna appear on August? It’s okay. Or on September? Or about 5 years or more? Okay, I’ll wait.

And dear July, show me a RAINBOW !