An None Holiday On Holiday

Today, May 27th 2014.

It must be a day off, a day for me to take a rest. 

It must be a day to cuddle all day long.

To cafuné in the morning until I feel hungry.

But, it's not.

I miss that moment.

Well, yaaa. Everything has changed. So, I (try to) change some habits. And it's not easy.

I miss the old a me with a you.

Soundtrack of this post:

Nada Surf - Inside of Love

Love is Like a Fart

What crosses your mind when you hear about 'Love'?

A bullshit? A precious? An invisible thing?
For me, that picture above explains everything. When you love somebody, everything goes as well.
But, when you have to live with people you don't love, you have to force yourself to love them back. And you gonna be a fake-man.

Love is a fart, not shit.
Happy Friday, peeps :)

Because World Doesn't Have To See That You Nuts

Well, because you have an ambitious, doesn't mean you can treat people bad.
Karma does exist. Maybe someday, you can be treatened by others more bad.
Why don't you learn how to keep your mouth say any goodness? Unless, you're a dictator.
Dictator doesn't want to know any reason, Dictator wants things happen as he expects. No reason.
Dictator doesn't care.
But you're only a human. A man. And yes, even Dictator is human too. But, you're not a dictator, right?
You have a feeling and a logic. But you live in your egos. It beats the both of feeling and logic.
You curse people. Treat them bad, no, you treat worst I think. But you never realize.
You make everybody's being a victim. Just because you want your egos happen? You're nuts!
And World doesn't have to know it.

Dear God

Did I do any mistake? So you punish me?

Do you hear me?

Do you understand what I really mean?

I bend my knees, and I beg you.

But, are you really there to hear me?

Day by day I pray to You, but it seems worst than before.

You gimme what? You gimme a trap?

You put me on what? On crap?

Oh God, I'm almost give up in the time I'm not allowed to.

Please, make it easier.

I still want to try, try, try, and try again.

Do not push me to give up. Don't!

Have You Ever Been So Mad To Nobody but Yourself?

Pagi ini masih sama seperti hari-hari sebelumnya selama hampir sebulan ini. Suram, tidak menyenangkan. Meskipun dalam kurun waktu 6 bulan ini ada alasan aku berbahagia, mungkin aku lupa pada Tuhan bagaimana cara yg tepat untuk bersyukur, hingga akhirnya Dia memperingatkanku.

Aku tau betapa besarnya kekuatan Tuhan dalam mengendalikan apapun. Mengendalikan segala pergerakan dan perubahan jagad raya. Dan aku masih percaya dengan kuasaNya dalam mengatur ini semua. Aku masih selalu memohon dan berusaha menjaga apa yg semestinya aku jaga. Aku masih selalu yakin dengan pertolonganNya. Meskipun 24/7 sudah tidak sama lagi seperti sebelumnya.

Tuhan memperingatkan aku dengan cara yg pernah aku khawatirkan. Entah kenapa, itu malah benar-benar terjadi. Dan mengubah banyak hal dari diriku. Aku tidak lagi suka menimpali canda-canda bodoh dari siapapun, bahkan tertawa pun tidak. Hanya senyum simpul kecil dan sedikit tawa palsu.

Aku menjadi lebih pemurung dari biasanya. Aku memang lebih senang sendiri, tapi ini lebih dari itu. Melakukan apapun sendiri adalah waktu dimana aku bisa berbicara dengan diriku sendiri. Diam, namun berpikir dan berbicara dalam hati. Dan hingga waktu aku menulis dalam post ini, masih ada rasa sesak di dada yang tidak bisa aku ungkapkan. Rasa yang aku lewati setiap hari selama hampir sebulan ini. Aku membencinya.

Hanya satu orang yang aku bisa bercerita tentang hal ini tanpa harus menahan air mata. Kadang, hampir aku tidak harus cerita apapun, dia mengerti aku kenapa. Hingga akhirnya aku akan lelah menangis, dia akan selalu berkata "Please, don't make it harder. Trough this journey as long as we can." Dan setiap aku mendengar dia berkata itu, aku yakin Tuhan pasti memberi kemudahan nantinya. Sungguh, jika aku bisa, aku ingin memeluknya sekarang juga. Aku menyayanginya.

Aku bukan membuat ini menjadi lebih sulit, namun rasa sesak itu benar-benar memenuhi tubuhku hingga ke batas kerongkongan. Sesaknya menyakitkan. Bahkan aku mengambil nafas panjang pun tidak mampu melegakan. Setiap bangun tidur, atau terbangun di tengah malam, aku berharap tidak ada kejadian menyedihkan sama sekali, aku berharap ini adalah mimpi. Namun ternyata tidak. Ini nyata, dan harus aku lewati. Setiap hujan lebat disertai kilat, aku berharap kilat itu menyambar segala kejadian itu bersamanya, hingga aku tidak perlu tersiksa seperti ini.

Seringkali, aku ingin marah namun tidak tau kepada siapa aku harus marah. Aku marah dengan diriku sendiri, dengan Tuhan, dengan keadaan, dengan entahlah. Marah dengan cara apapun juga tidak akan mengubah segalanya. Marahku ini adalah bentuk kekecewaan. Kenapa aku harus mengalami cobaan sesesak ini? Semoga Tuhan selalu menguatkan hati lemah siapapun. Semoga Tuhan berpihak padaku kali ini, melapangkan hati dan meluaskan pikiran yang sempit, mengabulkan doa-doa dan permohonanku, menjaga hati yang harus terjaga, dan memberikan kekuatan bagi keyakinan yang lemah. Aamiin.

Notes:
Entah mengapa aku menulis bagian ini di blog. Aku tidak pernah ingin orang tau tentang kejadian pribadiku hari ini, kemaren, besok atau lusa. Namun, ternyata menulis seperti ini menjadi alternatif berbicara dengan diriku sendiri selain diam. Meskipun, aku tetap tidak akan bercerita secara rinci apa dan kenapa. Namun setidaknya, aku bisa meringankan sedikit rasa sesak.

The Honey Trees - Moon River

Moon river wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style someday
You dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you're going I'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waiting 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river and me

(Moon river, wider than a mile)
(I'm crossin' you in style some day)
Oh dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're going, I'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waiting 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

(Moon river, moon river)

The Older You Get, The More You Look Great

NON-STOP
[★★★★☆]

The older you get, the more you look charismatic.

What else can I say for Liam Neeson? I began to be his fans since I watched Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, and he acted as Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. He stole my attention, until now. Then, on Monday I had a date and watched his latest movie, Non-Stop.

This movie tells about hijacked airplane. And the story begins from US Air Marshal Bill Marks, he goes to UK from US with his friend Jack Hammond, for his last duty. While on trip, he receives mysterious texts from The Unknown who forces Bill to transfer $150 million into an off-shore account. The Unknown intimidates Bill, if he couldn’t transfer a number of money, The Unknown would kill one of the passenger in 20 minutes. Bill is curious, who the hell is this sucker? He asks help from the flight attendances, Nancy and Gwen, includes the pilot and co-pilot and a lady who next to him, Jennifer Summers. Bill asks Nancy and Jen to look at the security cameras of the cabin, they must be look at the passengers and see who are using the phones. They get some names: Tom Bowen, Austin Reilly, Charles Wheeler, Dr Fahim Nasir (why do always they put a Moslem guy on every terrorism story?) and Jack Hammond.

Oh well, who are they?

Tom Bowen have met Bill before they go inside the airport. I don’t know what his job is. They don’t talking each other. Austin Reilly is an NYPD, he is too shifty, so I guess many people guessing that he is a suspect. Charles Wheeler, he looks like a businessman, I don’t know exactly. Dr Fahim Nasir, as we know he is a doctor. Jack Hammond, he is an agent too like Bill, they’re friend but not partner.

Bill sees Jack goes to aircraft lavatory, they’re having some conversations, but they get some miscommunication then they fight. Jack died. He is the first victim on those plane. But it happens like Bill is the suspect. He is trapped.

Somehow, Bill takes Jack’s suitcase after he checks Jack’s phone. And there is a huge box of cocaine. Bill is shocked.

The Unknown sends a new text to Bill, he wants to repeat the game in 20 minutes, again. So he sets his timer watch to 20 minutes. If Bill still couldn’t transfer the money, any passenger could die. During Bill is looking for the suspects, he gets a new text, the passenger can be anyone, but who says it must be a passenger? Bill thinks that the next target is Nancy, one of the stewardess. But actually, the next victim is the pilot.

The game is still on. 20 minutes again for the next victim. Jen Summer meets with a programmer who hired in IT company at UK, named Zack White. Bill needs his skill to help him tracking the suspect’s phone. They get it. So that, Bill orders the business class passengers to move out to the economy class. All the passengers getting angry then protest Bill why they should do that. And to keep them calm, Bill claims that they will be offered a year’s worth of International trip, if only they would do what Bill orders. (It’s little bit a silly part, nobody can’t resist a year’s worth of International trip, noted, for free! And Liam Neeson looks so stressed.)

Hmm okay, the next victim is, Charles Wheeler. The phone is founded on his pocket. But he doesn’t admit that he did anything before, he knows nothing. Bill keep forces him to admit it, but he admits nothing. Then, suddenly Wheeler died. There’s a poison dart on his pocket.

Scene by scene, Bill finds bomb inside cocaine on Jack’s suitcase. He warns all the passengers and tells the co-pilot to do hijacked procedure. When Bill and men passengers moving suitcases on the cabin baggage to cover the bomb on backside plane, Bowen suddenly attacks Bill, and Zack tries to trick Reilly (on this scene, Reilly is helping Bill because he is an NYPD). The suspects are Bowen and Reilly.

I often watch movies and stories telling about hijacked like this. Overall, this is a good movie. But for climax story, it’s little bit disappointing. At last part, Bowen explains why he does it, but he gives an unreasonable excuse, for revenge he says, because his dad died when 9/11 tragedy. How coooooome? Is Bill God, so he had to help his dad? Hahahaa..

But, the other side, this movie makes a different thought about Moslem, even on early story, it shows some suspicious gestures from Dr. Fahim Nasir. Fahim Nasir is not a suspect, he doesn’t do any terrorism.

PS: sorry for this messy post. I lost my mood